This Life Is…. Just Gonna Life Sometimes.

 

Tuesday 10/24

This Life is…. just gonna life sometimes. 

Alternate title, “That time my dogs yeeted me, naked, down the side of a mountain in the dark of night.”

When I was a kid, I had this book called, Alexander and the No Good, Very Bad, Horrible Day.  I loved that book. It was about a kid who just had one of those days where everything went wrong in, what I thought at the time, was a hyperbolic fashion.  Then I became an adult.   and... no hyperbole for m i l e s. 

Today was one of those days so absurd, I just need to put it out into the universe, make sure she knows she’s made her point and ask you to laugh with me because, this shit’s, quite frankly, ridiculous. 

I overslept.  We’ll start there.  I shoved some frozen french toast sticks in my child’s mouth, piled (only half of) what she needed for school in her arms, and skidded up to the bus stop as the bus was pulling up.  Hunter headed out to the airport and I launched into my workday, which was so packed, before I knew it, it was time to pick Emerson up.  We had planned to run some halloween errands after school, as I’m trying like hell to Festive myself into a good headspace.  (The Universe loves Festive!)

It’s pretty rare that this happens, but today, as she would say, vibes were off.  An angsty, morose teen, lugged herself into the car and off we went, Walmart bound.  Because nothing improves someone’s mood like a trip to Walmart, amiright?! (The Universe cocks her head and raises an eyebrow)

After having sorted through the dregs of what was left of the halloween decor and a trip through the carwash, which semi-angsty teen didn’t see the point of, we headed home.  Emerson, dumped her gear on the kitchen counter, hurled herself on to the couch with her computer and left the planet. I insisted that we half heartedly toss up the last of the decorations and finally, with a failure to rally, I decided maybe we needed a reset. (The Universe smirked)

I’ve had a difficult time managing stress lately so I’ve been trying to laser focus on my tools; Sleep, water, movement, meditation, gratitude. I’m trying to, at a minimum, move my body in a way that feels good, and ideally, launches a few endorphins into my system each day. So, after spending 30-40 minutes preparing to hop on the peloton ride (procrastinating) I had planned, I got on the bike.  Clipped in, I started the ride and realized I’d forgotten my water.  “It’s fine”, I told myself, “You can just drink it when you finish, just get it done.”  15 minutes in, I was the zone and killing this ride… when the internet blinked and the ride crashed.  I screamed.  I waited.  The system rebooted.  I persevered, dammit. Aaannd... the ride crashed again. This time, I sat there in silence.  Finally, I said to myself “you know what, this is one of those days where you just need to take the hint and know when to call it. Go take a hot shower and try again tomorrow.” (the Universe giggled)

About that shower…. not so much. See, you’d need water for that and for the second time in a week, a water main was broken and were are suddenly high and dry. (Well, just dry I guess. We’re over here getting through all of this on nothing but caffeine and glitchy endorphins) SO. Soaked in sweat with no water I threw on a bathrobe to get out of my gym clothes until I could take a shower.  (The universe ironically cleared her throat) The night progressed as such until it was finally time to just put this crew to bed and call it AND, glory be, the water returned at the same time.  So with visions of a hot shower and a quiet, early night to bed I decided to go ahead and put the dogs to bed so I just, quite simply, shower and be done.  (The universe inched closer to make sure she had a good view)

I took August, our golden retriever, out on a very short walk along to the empty wooded scree hill beside our house that drops off down the side of the mountain (to avoid the neighbors.. I’ll refer you to the bathrobe section above) and Emerson took Japhy, our great dane, out in the back yard down below. Japhy saw me August and I up above and bolted. He took off at a sprint with all the momentum of a freight train.  All I could see was a dark wall hurling itself at us, knowing there’s simply no stopping him. He clotheslined all 140 lbs of his giant body into August’s leash and literally slingshot me down the side of the ever-loving mountain.  In the dark.  In my bathrobe. Screeching obscenities. Dogs? Completely tangled. Me? Literally rolling. My attire? Regrettable. The Universe? Guffawed. 

When I finally stopped, I remember laying there thinking, I’m not sure if the stars actually stars or, you know stars. 

Emerson, god bless her, rallied.  She came up, grabbed the dogs, helped me inside and then went out again searching for my phone, which flew out of my hands and is who knows where and in what condition, while I inspected the damage.  Oh the damage…it could definitely be worse but is going to require some solid first aid and is not cute. Em put the dogs to bed, put herself to bed, and I finally get that damn shower but it was primarily to wash the woodland scree out of my bleeding leg.  

So, ladies and gentlemen, today was one for the books and boy will I look back and laugh at this  for years to come. I learned a valuable lesson about inside clothes and outside clothes and have been sufficiently humbled.  Aaand, as I type this, I can hear the cat vomiting somewhere near by, so I’m going to go deal with that and then end this day.  I can only imagine that tomorrow will have to be utterly amazing in comparison. (The Universe winks)

What a ride.